Sleep Divorce Explained: How It Can Save Your Relationship!

While the term ‘sleep divorce’ might sound alarming, sleep divorce is not about ending a marriage. Instead, it’s about making a conscious decision to prioritize both partners’ well-being and relationship health. This relatively new term relates to the agreement to separate in terms of the bedroom not marriage or partnerships with the aim of sleeping more soundly.

In this article, our sleep experts here at John Ryan By Design delve into what sleep divorce is, why it’s becoming increasingly popular, and how it can actually save your relationship rather than destroy it.

What is Sleep Divorce?

Sleep divorce is when couples opt to sleep separately to improve their sleep quality and relationship harmony.

This could mean:

• Sleeping in different beds within the same room
• Separate bedrooms altogether
• Staggered sleeping schedules.

The idea is to remove any disturbances that may come from sharing a bed while maintaining a strong emotional connection.

Why do some people sleep divorce?

Whilst the terminology may be new, sleeping in separate rooms or beds has been around for hundreds if not thousands of years, so it isn’t a new phenomenon. What is new is people talking about sleep divorce and shining a light on the reasons couples choose to sleep divorce vary widely.

• Some partners have different sleep schedules
• Others struggle with snoring
• Are kept awake by restless leg syndrome
• Have different temperature preferences.
• The simple fact that they sleep better alone is enough reason to try this approach.

Why is Sleep Important in a Relationship?

Whilst sleep isn’t the only magic ingredient in a long-lasting relationship, it certainly is the quickest one to upset the balance if poor sleep enters a relationship!

Quality sleep is essential for physical health, emotional stability, and overall well-being, all of which are key components of a stable and solid relationship.

Poor sleep when sharing a bed can lead to irritability, stress, and even resentment. All of which can negatively impact a relationship. When one or both partners consistently experience sleep disruptions, it can result in:

1. Increased arguments and misunderstandings
2. Lowered libido and intimacy issues
3. Higher stress levels and emotional distance
4. Reduced patience and empathy

A 2017 study from the University of California found that sleep-deprived couples were more likely to engage in conflicts and exhibit poor conflict-resolution skills. Clearly, sleep deprivation doesn’t just make you tired—it can strain even the strongest relationships.

Common Reasons Couples Opt for Sleep Divorce

If you’re already nodding along to the idea of a sleep divorce, then this may be the solution to your sleep niggles. Every couple’s experience is unique, but some of the most common reasons partners choose to sleep separately include:

1. Snoring and Sleep Aponea

Snoring is one of the biggest sleep disruptors in relationships. If one partner snores loudly or has sleep apnoea, it can keep the other partner awake for hours, leading to frustration and exhaustion. That wall-shaking snore at 2 am can make anyone want to grab their pillow and escape the bedroom, so why not skip the impending sleep frustration and opt for another bedroom to begin with?

Seeking medical advice for sleep aponea or extreme snoring is always recommended for a long-term solution,

2. Different Sleep Schedules

If one partner is a night owl while the other is an early bird, their differing sleep cycles can cause disturbances. Getting up for work while your partner is still deep in slumber or staying up late while they try to fall asleep can lead to constant disruptions. If this is something you can relate to, why not agree to a midweek sleep divorce whilst you’re both at work and then reconvene with sharing the same beds on weekends?

3. Restless Sleepers

Some people toss and turn all night, kick, or even sleep-talk, making it difficult for their partner to get restful sleep. For light sleepers, even the slightest movements can be disruptive, especially if you’re stuck on an open coil mattress or low-quality boxed mattress where every movement transfers through the surface of the mattress!

We advise you to skip the entry-level boxed mattresses and opt for a calico pocket-sprung zip-and-link mattress. Zip-and-link mattresses help remove nearly 95% of all transference (movement from other sleepers) compared to other sprung mattresses, resulting in fewer disturbances for lighter sleepers.

4. Temperature Preferences

Another niggle when sleeping with a partner is the hot sleeper or cold feet partner, who then keeps you awake by either turning the bed into a furnace or reducing the room to a walk-in fridge, both of which can make for a disturbed, if not impossible, night’s sleep.

One partner may prefer to sleep in a cool room with a thin blanket, while the other needs a warm, cosy environment. Differing temperature needs can make sleeping together uncomfortable.

5. Children and Pets

It may not be your partner who’s keeping you awake, but smaller bedtime pals! If you have young children or pets that share the bed, this can be another reason for a sleep divorce if one partner is more comfortable with co-sleeping while the other struggles with it, it may be beneficial to have separate sleeping spaces.

The Benefits of Sleep Divorce

Choosing to sleep separately doesn’t mean a lack of love or affection—it means prioritizing good sleep, which can ultimately strengthen the relationship. Here are some key benefits:

1. Better Sleep Quality

With uninterrupted sleep, both partners wake up feeling refreshed, improving overall mood and well-being. This leads to a more positive atmosphere in the relationship. Allowing you to enjoy each other’s company much more!

2. Less Resentment and Frustration

When one partner constantly disrupts the other’s sleep, resentment can build. Sleeping separately removes this issue, reducing tension and unnecessary conflicts, which can then spill over into other areas of our lives. Life is stressful enough without sleep deprivation becoming an additional stressor!

3. Improved Intimacy

Some couples find that sleeping apart actually improves their intimacy. Instead of routine, obligatory closeness, they become more intentional about spending quality time together, leading to deeper emotional and physical connection. So, if your love life needs a boost, maybe a little mid-week separation could help in the bedroom.

4. Increased Personal Space and Independence

Having separate sleeping arrangements allows each partner to unwind in their own way, fostering a sense of independence while still maintaining a strong emotional bond. It can result in you both finding different bedtime routines or sleep practices that enable a deeper night of sleep. One of you may prefer sleep sounds or sleep stories before drifting off to bed, whereas the other one may prefer scents to help them sleep better.

5. More Energy for Daily Life

Who doesn’t want a bit more ‘get up and go’ each day? We know that our team here at John Ryan By Design do! Well-rested individuals have more energy to invest in their work, family, hobbies, and most importantly, their relationship. Less fatigue means more patience and enthusiasm for each other.

How to Approach Sleep Divorce Without Hurting Your Relationship

The term sleep divorce can conjure up all sorts of fears, worries and anxieties, but the key to this is demystifying the term and being honest with your partner. If you’re considering sleep divorce but are worried about how your partner might feel, here are some tips to ensure a smooth transition:

1. Communicate Openly and Honestly

Have an open discussion about why you’re considering separate sleeping arrangements. Frame it as a way to improve both partners’ well-being rather than as a sign of disinterest or detachment.

2. Reassure Your Partner of Your Love and Commitment

Make it clear that sleeping separately doesn’t mean a loss of affection. Continue to engage in cuddling, intimate moments, and quality time together.

3. Create New Rituals for Connection

If bedtime used to be your bonding time, find new ways to connect—whether it’s having morning coffee together, sharing a bedtime story, or cuddling before going to separate rooms.

4. Experiment with Different Arrangements

Not every sleep divorce looks the same. Try sleeping in separate beds within the same room before committing to different rooms. See what works best for both partners.

5. Address Any Underlying Issues

If sleep disturbances are caused by medical conditions like sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome, seek treatment rather than simply sleeping apart. A healthier partner leads to a healthier relationship.

Check your mattress is not causing the sleep disruption

When it comes to finding the perfect mattress, we at John Ryan by Design believe that being well-informed is key to choosing the right mattress for your needs. Rather than just buying whatever is on sale or available the next day from online mattress retailers.

At John Ryan by Design, we’ve spent years perfecting the art of mattress-making, using only the finest materials and craftsmanship to create high-quality, long-lasting products. Not only that, but we provide a free consultation service to make sure that every element of your new mattress is perfect for your sleeping position, comfort requirements and other sleep nuances!

Here’s how we approach the process of finding your ideal mattress.

1. Start with Natural Upholstery

For us, the foundation of a great mattress begins with natural upholstery. Unlike synthetic foams, which can trap heat and degrade quickly, we use high-quality natural fibres such as wool, cotton, horsehair, and coir. These materials offer superior breathability, moisture-wicking properties, and longevity. They also create a far healthier sleeping environment, free from harmful chemicals and unnecessary synthetic additives.

Each material serves a purpose:

• Wool provides natural temperature regulation, keeping you warm in winter and cool in summer.
• Cotton adds softness and enhances breathability.
• Horsehair acts as nature’s own spring, giving the mattress extra resilience and durability.
• Coir (coconut fibre) helps with firmness and structure, especially in firmer mattress models.

Combining these layers in precise compositions ensures that every mattress delivers optimal comfort and support for years to come.

2. The Importance of Pocket Springs

A mattress is only as good as its support system, so we use calcio-encased pocket springs in our Artisan mattresses. Unlike open coil systems, which move as one unit, pocket springs work independently, allowing the mattress to respond to your body’s unique shape and movement. This means better spinal alignment and reduced motion transfer—so you and your partner won’t disturb each other when shifting positions during the night.

We also offer different spring tensions to match individual needs:

• Soft tension – Ideal for lighter individuals who need more give.
• Medium tension – A balanced option for most body types.
• Firm tension – Best for heavier sleepers who need extra support.

With hand-nested pocket springs, we can customize each mattress to ensure that weight is distributed evenly, preventing sagging and ensuring long-term durability.

3. Attention to Mattress Detailing

A great mattress isn’t just about the right materials—it’s also about exceptional craftsmanship. We hand-finish all our mattresses using traditional techniques to enhance their durability and performance. Some of our key detailing features include:

• Hand-tufting – This process secures all the layers together, preventing shifting and extending the mattress’s lifespan.
• Side-stitching – We use hand-stitched borders to reinforce edge support, ensuring a fully supportive surface from edge to edge.
• Luxury fabric covers – We use soft, plant-based, breathable covers made from natural materials to complement the interior components, creating a more comfortable and luxurious feel.

Choosing the right mattress is a personal decision. We guide each customer through the process, helping them select the best combination of upholstery layers, spring tensions, and split spring tensions for their unique needs.

Final Thoughts: Is Sleep Divorce Right for You?

Sleeping separately may seem unconventional, but the key takeaway is this: good sleep is vital for a happy and healthy relationship. If you and your partner are struggling with sleep disturbances that impact your mood, energy levels, and connection, sleep divorce might be the solution you need.

Ultimately, what matters most is the strength of your relationship, not whether you sleep in the same bed. If separate sleeping arrangements improve your overall quality of life and bring more harmony to your relationship, then sleep divorce might be the best decision you ever make.

So, if you’re tired—literally and figuratively—of struggling through sleepless nights with your partner, it may be time to consider whether sleep divorce could actually save your relationship rather than harm it!

If you have any questions about our products, please don’t hesitate to contact us. Our friendly team of experts will be more than happy to listen to your requirements and help you to choose the mattress that will work best for you.